An Apology
by MapleleafCameo
Summary: Sherlock needs to apologize to John. But first he has to figure out what he did. New chapter for Arty Diane's birthday ! rated K plus
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was written for AOB as an apology from me to her:D She requested texting, an apology from Sherlock to John and milk! Thank you for being annoyed with me;) This was fun! Which may not be in the spirit of a true apology, but I am sorry:D**

**As usual I do not own. If I did I would give this one to AOB!**

An Apology

The door slammed with an uncompromising _BANG_!

Sherlock knew he had done something to upset John, but he just didn't quite know what it was.

He sat in his chair, still and silent, thinking.

There was only one course of action.

Fortunately his phone was nearby. It wouldn't do to wait for John to come back to retrieve it for him. Not when he required it to find out what had angered John this time.

Long, elegant fingers swiftly played on the keypad.

_John I have come to the conclusion that I may have done or said something that has annoyed you. SH_

…

…

_John? SH_

…

…

_Would you respond if I told you I had injured myself and I was bleeding? SH_

…

**Are you?**

_No. SH_

…

_John? SH_

**Sherlock, leave me alone. I am angry and upset and I need to go for a walk and clear my head before I do something I might regret.**

_Does this have anything to do with your jumper? SH_

**What? Which jumper? Sherlock what did you do?**

_I may have inadvertently spilled acid on one of your jumpers. SH_

…

…

**Which jumper?**

_The hideous Argyle one. SH_

_**NO! But add it to the list!**_

_You keep a list of the things I do to you that annoyed you? SH_

_**IT"S A FIGURE OF SPEECH!**_

…

_**But maybe I should!**_

…

_Are you angry with me because I interrupted your date with Grace or Gloria or whatever her name was? SH_

**Gretchen! No! But I should be!**

_It was important, John. SH_

**Interrupting me in the middle of a date that was for once going well to have me stand in for a murder victim so you can reenact the crime is not important!**

_It was necessary, John. The murder victim was your body type, same height, similar weight. The method of killing was sufficiently unusual enough that I didn't wish to take chances. SH_

**Thanks for that Sherlock! Pummeling me with oranges and then squirting me with canned whipping cream is not my idea of how that date should have ended!**

_Oh I don't know John. Some people like that sort of thing. SH_

…

_See I can be amusing, too John. SH_

…

_Besides it was unlikely you would have been presented with the opportunity to sleep with her. She was just using you to make her former lover jealous. SH_

_John? SH_

…

_John, I wish to make amends but I am uncertain as to what I did to cause you to be this angry with me. I would like to apologize but I wish to apologize for the right reason. Please tell me what I did. SH_

…

_John? SH_

**Fine! You sent my mother a detailed description of a crime scene including the number of body parts, descriptions of said body parts, the reasons for the killing, including, might I add, all of the perverted and twisted things the killer did to the victim before hand. My mother is frail and not in the best of health. She was upset! I spent the better part of my day explaining to her that you are not insane and plotting to murder her. Although now I wonder! I also had to endure a frantic and very drunk rant from my sister because my mother had called her first.**

…

…

_John I am sorry for the turmoil I may have caused in your life over this unfortunate incident. I used your phone to text Lestrade the details of that particular case and I must not have checked before hand to whom I was sending the text. It was not intended for your mother and the descriptions were, unfortunately, very graphic. I will make amends to you, your mother and your sister. Would dinner be acceptable? SH_

…

_John? SH_

_John I am very, very sorry. SH_

**Fine. Okay, But it has to be that new restaurant. The one with the 6-month waiting list. And you can't call in any favours to pay for it. And you have to phone my mother and my sister and apologize but I want you to write down everything you are going to say before hand and I get to veto anything that is inappropriate. Deal?**

_Deal John. Thank you for accepting my apology. Are you on your way home now? SH_

**Yes, Sherlock. I'm on my way.**

_Good. Stop at the shops. We're out of milk. SH_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I had a bit of interest in continuing this and as I'd rather write this than do real work here you go:) This chapter is for HoneyandChai because she wondered if it would be more practical to buy a cow given all the milk everyone seems to have the boys purchase. This of course led to a discussion of **_**Fringe**_** and Gene the cow. If you have not watched **_**Fringe**_** you really should. At least the first 3 seasons. John Noble is brilliant in it. As is the cow:D John's cow conversation is from HoneyandChai!**

**I own neither Sherlock, Fringe, the boys, John Noble or a cow. Out of the five of those the only one I don't want to own is the cow.**

_John SH_

**Yes?**

_I think we should purchase a cow. SH_

…

**?**

…

_A cow, John. __Bos primigenius SH_

**Are you insane?**

_No. My mother had me tested. SH_

**What? Why? Oh good grief. Why on earth should we purchase a cow, Sherlock? **

_We seem to use an extraordinary amount of milk in a given week. It would save you trips to the shops. It would also prevent you from figuring out ways to convince me to purchase milk. I'm sure you must be tired from all of the attempts you have tried. SH_

**Sherlock! Just think about this for a minute! First of all where the hell are we going to put a cow? I don't think I have to tell you that it is highly unlikely that London has allowances for the keeping of a cow in a flat. I am thinking it would be against the law. And do you really think Mrs. Hudson would be pleased to have a cow in her building? Seriously? **

_But John it would be so good for experiments. Think of the possibilities. __Bovines__ share 80 percent of their genes with humans. SH_

**Sherlock you are not going to convince me to get a cow for you just so you can do experiments again. Oh wait…is this because of **_**Fringe**_**?**

_I don't know what you are talking about, John. SH_

_**Fringe**_**. That show I made you watch the other night, the one with the mad scientist who keeps a cow named Gene in his lab and all the weird stuff that happens to him.**

_It is a ridiculous show. You only watch it because of the blond woman. SH_

**And you only watched because of the cow! And possibly so you can yell at the telly when they get the science wrong! **

_There is that. But you are changing the subject. What about the cow? SH_

**We are not buying a cow, nor **_**will **_**we **_**ever**_** buy a cow. At least not whilst I am living there.**

…

…

**Sherlock?**

_Yes John? SH_

**You aren't thinking about replacing me with a cow are you?**

_Oh yes John. Definitely. Can you imagine showing up at a crime scene with a cow? 'Lestrade I have replaced John with a cow'. SH_

**And you saying, 'The victim seemed to be poisoned, but that doesn't explain the marks on his neck. What do you think Bessie?' and Bessie says 'Moo!' And then you say 'Hmm, you do have a point.' Can you imagine the look on Anderson's face?**

_Are you giggling John? SH_

**Yes and I am getting weird looks!**

_Are you on the Tube? Odd you'd be getting weird looks there. SH_

**No I'm getting milk:)**

_John why did you put a colon with a bracket? SH_

**It's a smiley face. Sherlock, do you not know about smiley faces?**

_Extraneous detail, John. SH_

…

_John if we can't get a cow, how about a pig? They are genetically closer to humans than cows. SH_

**No Sherlock! No cows, no pigs, no monkeys, no rats. No animals of any kind! Sorry! But it's difficult enough picking up after you without adding another creature into the mix!**

_Very well. SH_

…

…

_John, if I can't have an animal to experiment on, could I use you sometime? SH_

…

…

_John? SH_

…

_I'll take that as a no. SH_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So these are becoming a little addictive to write:D This one is for the lovely johnsarmylady. She hurt her back and has been laid up on the couch trying to email me. The conversation John has about his hands going dead is directly from her. Plus a few more bits. Oh & the carbon monoxide poisoning – that's from her brilliant story **_101 Ways To Nearly Kill John Watson. _Yeah I stole it:DGo read it!

**But sadly I cannot steal John and Sherlock. Although I would like to;).**

_John? SH_

**Sherlock now is not a good time.**

_But I need you John. SH_

**Yes, well, you should have thought of that before you pushed me down the stairs.**

_I pushed you down the stairs to get you out of the path of the murderer who was coming after you with a knife. It is not my fault that being pushed down the stairs caused you to hurt your back. You could be dead. SH_

**Right now I think I'd rather be dead.**

_Did you remember to take the __Ibuprofen I left for you? SH_

**You left me Ibuprofen? Thanks Sherlock, that was very thoughtful. And rather unlike you.**

**Okay you left the pills but not any water. I'll have to wait until you get home. I can't get up.**

_I don't understand what you mean, John. I care about the fact that you are hurt. I care about the fact that my pushing you down the stairs inadvertently caused you to hurt your back. I care about the fact that you are not here with me assisting me at this crime scene. I'll phone Mrs. Hudson. She'll bring you some water. SH_

**No, don't bother Mrs. Hudson.**

…

**You phoned her didn't you?**

_Naturally. There is no need for you to be a martyr, John. Besides I need you to take the Ibuprofen and then get down here and help me. Anderson's here and you know I can't work with Anderson. No one can work with Anderson. Anderson is an idiot. SH_

**Even if I take the damn pills I am NOT coming down to the crime scene. I can't even bend over and put my shoes on.**

…

_John, Lestrade is getting cross with me. I really need you here. SH_

**Sherlock what did you do? Greg's texting me now. He says I am to tell you, you need to get off of your arse and tell him who murdered Mrs. Pritchard. And if you don't tell him in the next 5 seconds he is seriously considering revoking your privileges. And he also says you're a git.**

_It is quite obvious who murdered Mrs. Pritchard. She was killed by her son-in-law who was hoping to abscond with the insurance money that would be left to her daughter, his wife. He attempted to make the death look like an accidental carbon monoxide poisoning. But he deliberately tampered with the space heater in her bedroom. I know it was he because of the gum wrapper I found underneath the space heater, obviously overlooked by the inept police who are at this crime scene. He is the only member of this family who chews that particular brand of gum. Now be useful and text Lestrade with my findings. SH_

**Sherlock! Why the hell don't you just tell Greg yourself? My hands are going dead from texting upside down! How the hell do you do this anyway?**

_How do I do what? SH_

**Text whilst lying on your back with your hands in the air? This is ridiculous! And it's not helping my pain management any.**

_It is quite simple John. You must not be holding your phone correctly. SH_

**Yes dear! Sherlock will you please tell Greg what you just told me? About the murder. He just sent me 3 texts in a row and the swearing is getting more inventive!**

_Very well. I shall be able to wrap this up soon. Would you like me I will pick up some take-away on the way home. Thai? SH_

**Yes please. And thanks Sherlock.**

_You're welcome. SH_

_For what? SH_

**For pushing me down the stairs and saving my life. For being my friend.**

…

…

**Sherlock?**

…

**Sherlock are you okay? Greg wants to know what I said to you. He says you look odd.**

_Odd how? SH_

**Human.**

…

_I am sorry I pushed you down the stairs, John. SH_

**I'm not. It saved my life.**

_It isn't the same at the crime scene when you aren't here to overlook all the crucial pieces of evidence. SH_

**I miss you too, Sherlock.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So this chapter is for Book girl fan. It was her birthday. I asked her what she wanted to see in this chapter and she asked for giraffes. This might not be quite what you had in mind, my dear;D.**

**I also included an extra tidbit for AlessNox & any of my friends from Australia – weird ass bugs conversation came up in Mrs. Hudson's Kitchen. Yes, we are odd – but in a good way.**

**Thanks to mattsloved1 for looking this over:)**

_John? SH_

**I'm rather busy at the moment so no, I can't fetch you a pen, get you milk, feed the cow or answer the doorbell. If you're hurt go to a clinic, preferably not mine!**

_How amusing, but none of the above. And very funny. You wouldn't let me get a cow so why would I ask you to feed it? There's something I need to ask you. SH_

**Sherlock I'm busy, remember?**

_Yes, with your work thing. Playing doctor or something. SH_

**I AM A DOCTOR!**

_Yes, yes, a rather irritable one at that. No, it's about the stuffed giraffe that was in your room. Is it necessary for it to remain whole? SH_

**The stuffed giraffe that's for Bill's daughter? And what do you mean by 'was' in my room? Were you in my room? And what did you do? What do you mean is it necessary for it to ****remain whole? That's for her birthday! PUT IT BACK!**

_That is why I am texting you, John. You need to pick up a new one. SH_

**Sherlock, what did you do to Melanie's giraffe?**

_You're annoyed aren't you? SH_

...

_If it makes you feel better it was necessary to dismember the giraffe to recreate a murder. The giraffe was sacrificed for a good cause. SH_

**How can cutting up a little girl's birthday gift be for a good cause?**

_I was able to prove that the dentist didn't kill his patient with the suction equipment, which incidentally clogged quite easily from the stuffing, but he did __kill__ her with the _

_high speed drill. The toy was invaluable for proving which piece of equipment was the murder weapon. SH_

...

_You're pinching the bridge of your nose aren't you? SH_

**Why did you not ask Molly if you could try out your theory on a cadaver?**

_Molly is not speaking to me at the moment. SH_

**Why am I not surprised? Do I really want to know?**

_I may have inadvertently let a specimen from another case loose in the morgue. SH_

**?**

_I let a single spider, a perfect example of Sparassidae loose and I'm barred for a month. I don't understand her reaction. It was a lovely variation of the Huntsman Spider. SH_

**What on earth? What kind of spider? Hang on I'm going to Google it.**

**Good Lord! Sherlock! That thing is huge! It looks like it could have had Molly for tea. I would have barred you as well!**

_Then it is a good thing you didn't see it when it was in the flat. SH_

**Okay, so you are telling me that THING was in the flat? Is there anything else I should know?**

_No, I believe I have covered everything you need to know for the moment. SH_

**Okay. Now you listen to me. This is what YOU are going to do. You are going to go out and purchase a new stuffed giraffe. You are also going to purchase a nice plant or a very large bouquet of flowers. You are also responsible for getting dinner tonight. You are also going to STOP texting me until I am finished work. Unless of course you have been murdered. Then you can text me. Is that perfectly clear?**

_You are being a trifle melodramatic, John. SH_

**IS THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR?!**

_I understand the procuring of the giraffe and dinner, but really John, if I buy you flowers people will talk. SH_

**The flowers are to apologize to Molly. And you are going to ask her, nicely mind, if she'll let you back into the morgue.**

_Fine SH_

**Thank you Sherlock. I'll see you tonight after work.**

_Oh and John? SH_

**What is it now Sherlock?**

_Perhaps now isn't a good time to mention it, but when I had the Huntsman spider in the flat, there was also a container of cockroaches. It appears to be empty. SH_

_John? SH_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just to clear up some of this – because this one may be hard to read:P – Sherlock's text's from Sherlock's phone are in italics, John's are in bold. Greg's from Sherlock's phone are in italics, but from his own phone are in bold & italics -clear as mud:D Also you should know that almost all of Sherlock's typo's are from letters close by the actual letters he intended on using – I tried this with the autocorrect on & almost all of the words corrected to the right word – which is why when Greg fixes Sherlock 's phone it spells everything better than I usually do. **

_Jpgn come to Brfs Streutker away! SH_

**Whose Jpgn? Sherlock are you text cheating on me?:D**

_NO! Broken foongr making trzting difficukt! Come to Baet's rifht now! SH_

**Why don't you enable autocorrect again? You fixed the shortcut. It will help with some of the typos. Or better yet come home & rest - you shouldn't be typing with that finger.**

_Dont sorak to me avuot what thst Moron Absrgson did with my ppgon! SH_

**I thought Anderson's little joke with your phone was funny. Every time you typed in crime scene it replaced it with BIG HAIRY MAMMOTH! Lol!**

_Kt qas not funhy. I nwee yoi at Bsrts. SG_

**Oh on the contrary it was very funny! Why do you need me to come to Bart's?**

_Bvcfds I brdsdf sme hhfghg with the lsb wrll. I vsnt di anyrjimg mualf! DH_

**Sorry, I didn't quite catch that last bit.**

_Dgoy! SH_

_Hi John. Greg here. What on earth did you say to Sherlock? He just shoved the phone at me and told me to start texting. He's turning a lovely shade of red._

_Now he's annoyed because I am chatting with you. I don't know why we didn't think of this before._

**Hi Greg. Do you know why Sherlock wants me to go to Bart's?**

_Yes, he needs help with a dissection. He can't do it because of his broken finger. Huh. He says you are the only one he trusts not to make a complete shambles of the whole procedure. He also says he loves you and he thinks about you all the time and he..._

_Ni! Stoud Leatradep finks hea so gubby! SH_

_**Sorry about that John. Couldn't resist GL**_

**Not funny Greg.**

_**Yeah it was. GL**_

_Okeadr, hohn? SH_

**Sherlock, did you just try to type please?**

_Tes! Doby makkkk me sau it afaom! SJ_

**Alright I won't make you say it again. I'll meet you at Bart's in half an hour. I'm sorry you're finger's broken and I'm sorry you can't do the dissection yourself and I'm sorry Greg's being mean. Would you like me to pick up a lolly for you on the way over?**

_Mo! I'kk dee tou yhrewe! Dom't vr kare! AJ_

**I won't be late. I'm leaving right now.**

_**Hang on John. I'm going to fix his phone. GL**_

_I suppose Lestrade thinks I should thank him. SH_

**Well it would be the polite thing to do.**

_I am not going to thank him. He should thank me for my help at the I LOVE JOHN WATSON. SH_

_**Sorry John. GL**_

**No you're not Greg.**

_**No. No I'm not:D GL**_

**A/N:** **There is such a thing as shortcuts on the iPhone & iPad – not sure about other phones but I experienced this first hand from the genius brain of my lovely daughter – who will pay dearly for it one day! BIG HAIRY MAMMOTHS my dear! I think the author's note is longer than the story:P**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter is for the lovely and brilliant TheGameMrsHudsonIsAfoot and her mysterious disappearing fork:D So happy you made it back to England,my dear & I will see you there In a little over 3 weeks:D**

**Sherlock?**

_Yes John. SH_

**Where are all of the forks?**

_Where are they usually? SH_

**Don't answer a question with a question. You know very well where they usually are. What I want to know is why are they not there now?**

_Why didn't you say that then? Really John, you are not always very precise with your demands. SH_

**Sherlock. What have you done with all of the forks?**

…

…

…

**Sherlock! Answer the damn question!**

_I am deciding which response will provide you with a satisfactory answer and cause the least amount of nagging. SH_

**Dammit Sherlock! I need to eat! I'm going to be late for work. Where are the forks?**

_You really should eat on a more regular basis. You get rather upset when your blood sugar drops. SH_

**Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!**

_Very well. Since you are being so very dramatic about this I will tell you. SH_

…

…

**SHERLOCK!**

_I used them for an experiment. SH_

**An experiment? I see. All of them?**

_Yes, John. All of the forks. It was for the Smith-Michaels case. SH_

**Oh dear god. That was the man who was stabbed to death by his fiancé? What? She used a fork?**

_So it would seem. In fact it appears she used multiple forks, the most effective one being to his eye. His left eye to be precise. SH_

**Oh thank you for that lovely image. Oh good lord. You recreated it didn't you? You took all of our forks down to Bart's and stuck them in a cadaver? No. Don't answer. I know that's what you did. Good lord Sherlock! Couldn't you have pinched them from the kitchens there? Did you have to use ours?**

_Well I suppose I could have. It just seemed more expedient to take ours from the flat as I was leaving. But don't worry. :) I have run them through the dishwasher at the hospital. It sterilizes very effectively. You can hardly even tell they were used on a cadaver. There are a couple that may be a bit bent from hitting bone, but no one will ever know. SH_

**You know it is very creepy when you use emoticons, Sherlock. Look, never mind. Please don't bring the forks back to the flat, ever. Ask Molly if you can keep them at Bart's for further experiments. I'll stop and buy some new ones on the way home from work.**

_Why thank you John. I suppose this means I should give you something in return. Oh I know! How would you like a nicely preserved eyeball with multiple puncture wounds? SH_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Happy Birthday to dear Arty Diane!**

**Thanks to mattsloved1 for the brainwave!**

**Don't own, but if I did I'd let Arty take the boys out for a spin:D**

**Sherlock, this is Mrs. Hudson. What have you done to the flat, young man? Martha Hudson**

_Mrs. Hudson? What are you doing? This is John's number! Why have you got John's mobile? Is everything all right? Is John hurt? SH_

**No, everything is not all right! You have left a terrible mess in the kitchen! And that smell! What on earth were you thinking? This is coming out of your rent! Martha Hudson**

_Mrs. Hudson, please do not touch anything. I am in the midst of an important experiment. If you throw it out or disturb it in anyway, it will ruin weeks of delicate research. I can explain about the horrible smell, but please don't move anything. SH_

**How do you expect anyone to be able to live in this flat, the state it's in! That smell and the food out on the counter! It's a health hazard. And poor John! What's he going to say when he gets home from a long and tiring day at work and sees the condition of this kitchen? Really Sherlock. It isn't nice! Martha Hudson**

_I assure you Mrs. Hudson John will survive. He's seen much worse at the hospital and during his time in Afghanistan, not to mention some of the cases we have been on. He will be able to cope. SH_

_And speaking of which, how did you get a hold of John's mobile? He had it with him when he left for work this morning. And I thought you didn't know how to text? You have learned extremely quickly, for someone your age. SH_

**He stopped by briefly at lunch and he left it behind. And my nephew has been showing me. He told me it's time I became modern. Martha Hudson**

…

_Yes. I see. It is all very clear to me. SH_

…

**What is dear? Martha Hudson**

…

_Oh nothing Mrs. Hudson. It is all so very interesting. So interesting in fact that I believe the time has come for me to share something with you. Something I have been too shy to tell you up until this point. SH_

**And what is that, dear? Martha Hudson**

_I do believe it is the perfect time for me to tell you about the feelings I have had for you all of these years. I have come to see you, in this last little while, as much more than a mother figure to me. I can't stop thinking about you. Oh so many feelings. SH_

**Sherlock? Are you all right? You haven't been drinking have you? Martha Hudson.**

_Oh Mrs. Hudson! Why would I need to drink when I have you to gaze upon? Your presence intoxicates me beyond the need for alcohol. You are the brightest star…hang on a minute. I am getting another text from Lestrade. Maybe it's a case. SH_

_**Hi Sherlock! It's John. I borrowed Greg's phone to let you know I left mine at the flat this afternoon when I stopped by at lunch. Greg and I are at the pub catching up. I'll be home late. **_

…

…

_Mrs. Hudson. I am terribly sorry. I thought you were John pretending to be you. I will be home straight away to clean up the kitchen. SH_

**Well, really Sherlock you gave me quite a turn. No more nonsense now! Martha Hudson**

_Yes, Mrs. Hudson. SH_

**Hey Greg! It worked! Thanks for sending that text! I owe you a pint next Friday! Cheers!**

_**Anytime John! Be sure to take pictures of his face when he gets in the door. GL**_


End file.
